Hi!

So, according to XKCD, I am the least interesting man in the world.

I will not, therefore, apologize for not posting much over the last few months.  I'm the one that pays for this site, dammit, not you.  Where do you get off, anyway, buddy?!

Sorry.  Sorry.  I didn't mean to get abusive, it happens when I'm feeling defensive.  Are we cool?

Anyway, I'm back, baby.  Strap yourselves in for some kick-ass blogging and writing and suchlike!

I've decided to join the 100 Themes Boot Camp on DeviantArt.  Thankfully, they've made provision for us writer-y people that, you know, prefer to use 1000 words to tell a story rather than one picture.  The big idea for me is to get to writing, quick-like.  'Cause, you see, if I don't, when my unemployment runs out, I'm going to have to get another job, working in an office or something, for someone else that is not me.  That can't happen.  No way.  I'm also trying to pick up carpentry.  At least I wouldn't be working at a desk all day.  That really needs to not happen.

So there you go.  The next entry in this blog will be my first entry for the 100 Themes Boot Camp.

Bye-eee!

If we don’t perform, in what sense do we have an act?

I want to take a minute to remind everybody how unfair life is.

Today’s lesson:  Wil Wheaton is a really decent guy who cares about people and how he affects the world.  Yet, he is not an "A-list" celebrity and has, in fact, taken a lot of crap from people.  Check out this post.

See what I mean?  Life is unfair, not because Wil isn’t a millionaire, he actually seems to be pretty happy with what he’s got, which is another point for him.  No, it’s unfair, because our culture is obsessed with fame and celebrity.  I wouldn’t have a problem with that, if not for the fact that most ‘celebrities’ are jerks.  Well, maybe not, but the ones that are always in the papers and tabloid shows are.  So we, as a culture, a being taught that to get ahead and become known is to be an ass. 

Life is unfair because there aren’t more people like Wil Wheaton, or if there are, we don’t care about them.

Lesson over.  Stayed tuned for lessons about how water is wet and rocks are hard.

Can’t Sleep…Clown Will Eat Me

It’s 1:00 in the morning and I cannot sleep.  I blame the government.

Let’s see…what’s been keeping me up?

Okay, how about this: Do you remember in Science class in Elementary school when they taught us that water going down a drain twists counter-clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere and clockwise in the Southern hemisphere?  No?  Well, I do, and apparently it’s a damned dirty lie myth.  Thanks a lot, Scott Adams.  Thanks for pointing out that something I’ve believed almost my whole life is a lie.  Jerk.

Speaking of jerks disappointing people:  I am a fan of John Scalzi and I read his Whatever blog everyday.  I even buy his books (which are very entertaining and which I highly recommend, but wait, I’m pissed).  I bought his oh so special limited edition "You’re Not Fooling Anyone When You Take Your Laptop To A Coffee Shop: Scalzi on Writing" book (I got # 409 of 500).  I bought it mostly on the strength of the eponymous post (point #5, specifically).  Go ahead, read it, I’ll wait.  Okay, I read the original post and I bought the book.  And heeding Mr Scalzi’s advice, I bought a laptop and started hanging out in coffee shops.  And guess what, yeah that’s right, NO SEX!  I’m talking with my lawyers in the morning.

Since I know you’re thinking it: yes, as matter of fact I wrote that previous paragraph in hopes of being ‘Scal-Zinged!’ (c) Jonathan Ward aka CosmicDog 2007.  If you hang around The Whatever long enough, you will discover that John Scalzi is all over any mention of his name or any name that sounds like his within moments of it being published on the Internets.  Some say it’s a sixth sense, others say it’s Google Alerts.  Only the Shadow knows.

Regarding the laptop: I received a nice tax refund this year and I had a some options on what to do with it.  I could A) Fix my Ford Explorer that’s been in my driveway since 1/1/07 or B) I could by a new laptop.  Yep, I picked option B.  Did I mention that I’m still making payments on the Explorer?  Yes, I am, in fact, an idiot with a bizarre set of priorities.  But, hey, the way I figure it, I can fix my car anytime, but how often am I going to have the chance to buy a computer?  You gotta look at the big picture.

Go read Wil Wheaton’s blog.  Wil rocks.  Wil brought me to Scalzi.  I like Scalzi, I like Wil.  Go read Wil.  Go read Scalzi.

Did I mention that I want to be a writer?  Just look at the previous paragraph.  For a low, low price, I can teach you to write such eloquent prose.  E-mail me for details.

Anyway, that’s what the laptop is for: writing.  It’s not for playing games and it’s definitely not for downloading porn.  Okay?  As long as we’re clear about that.  Moving on…

I like American Idol, but this season has, thus far, left me wanting.  I’ll try to make my thoughts clearer later.  Apparently the four beers warm milk I’ve been drinking are is starting to kick in.  Hey, look, Futurama is on again.  It must be 2:00AM.

More to come later.  Thanks for reading!